


A Fearful Paradigm

by HrhKomett



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Armitage Hux redemption arc, Dark, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Hux is Not Nice, Hux-centric, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jealousy, More angst, One-sided Reylo, POV Armitage Hux, Post TFA, Prisoner!Rey, Psychological Themes, Revenge Sex, Rey and Hux have CPTSD, Reyux, Slow Burn, Torture, TouchStarved!Hux, Unhealthy Relationships, some eventual fluff/feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-04 15:54:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16349672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HrhKomett/pseuds/HrhKomett
Summary: "And if you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you". When Rey is sequestered once more and General Hux is obligated to keep watch over her, will he lose himself in Rey’s mind or will he lose his mind?





	1. It is Crashing Now

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all!  
> This fic was first posted in 2016 on ffn under my other username, then placed on hiatus indefinitely. Recently I joined a Reyux Facebook group that inspired me to write again and finally finish this fic! I've also edited the first and only chapter I posted for it on ffn a TON because it really needed work, so now its all polished up! 
> 
> This fic will be pretty dark ( mostly just the 2nd chapter) but not as dark as I was originally intending it to be. I’m still not 100% sure how I want to end it and if I want things to turn out optimistically or not... So, I guess you, dear reader, will have to bear with me! 
> 
> Oh also, I'm using Haikus as page breaks. I'm gonna be doing some experimental stuff with this writing so I hope it all works out. 
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

 

_It is crashing now._  
_Stifle a hollow promise,_  
_ripped, torn from the grasp,_

 

* * *

 

Sirens blare in the Starkiller Base’s control room. Everyone inhabiting it darts about -- moving like ants scurrying away from a fire -- a pandemonium of frantic activity. Run, yell, type-- repeat.

General Armitage Hux gazes out the window -- his brow furrowed with a mixture of concern, terror and acceptance .The Starkiller Base is nearing its catastrophic end. Its blazing innards devouring all else lying on its surface, birthing something new, fiery and volatile. That which it was meant to kill -- a star.

Hux swivels around.

“Dispatch all squadrons,” he orders the first Officer he spots. The Officer acknowledges General Hux’s order and carries on -- onward to attend to an order which Hux fears may have been made in vain.

Due to the present chaos and utter disorganization of the control room, few notice their General bolting out the door.

Hux races to speak with Supreme leader Snoke. He needs to know what to do. He needs to know if there is anything that can be done to salvage the situation. “Supreme Leader!” The desperate General begins as he enters the holoprojector room. “The fuel cells have ruptured, the collapse of the planet has begun!”

Despite the disastrous news reported to him, Snoke’s monstrous, pale visage remains calm. “Leave the base at once and come to me with Kylo Ren. It is time to complete his training.” And with that being said, Hux dashes out of the hall to find Kylo Ren and escape the Starkiller Base--once a symbol of his pride, an artifact affirming his power -- now merely a massive chunk of rock awaiting its impending destruction, and ultimately, its transformation.

“You there!” He shouts at one of his Stormtroopers leading four others of their kind through the base’s walkways. “You will follow me,” Hux orders. “And bring the others as well.”

The Stormtroopers salute their General and follow his lead -- marching behind him in an orderly manner. The frigid, howling winds that meet them upon exiting the base’s interior are treacherous. The cold bites through Hux with its sharp teeth, tearing into him mercilessly as he advances towards his objective-- the outdoor emergency hangar bay.

The snowstorm slows Hux and his group of Stormtrooper’s pace, and the embittered General curses the Starkiller Base for its miserable weather. Finally, the group boards a Upsillon-class shuttle --already prepared for escape with a crew and rations -- and Hux immediately sets out to locate Kylo Ren, this task proves rather simple due to the tiny position sensor in his belt.

_That pompous, over-emotional fool_ , Hux thinks to himself. _What trouble has he gotten himself into this time?_

He finds out the answer to his question soon enough. Standing at the top of a snow-covered, rocky ledge, Hux surveys the scene spread out below him.

Kylo Ren and that irritating Resistance member -- _the girl_ \-- that he’d heard about are locked in combat, red lightsaber clashing with blue. The girl manages to parry each one of Kylo Ren’s powerful blows, neither of the pair notice Hux or his Stormtroopers-- both force-sensitives pouring every ounce of their concentration into their battle. Hux smirks as he observes that his rival’s skill appears to match that of their opponent’s. However, he also feels a slight pang of concern at this observation. A mere vagabond shouldn’t possess such power. Hux also comes to the disturbing realization that the fight seems to be going south for Kylo Ren.

This foolishness has gone on long enough, he decides.

Hux pulls out his blaster pistol and carefully aims it at the girl’s left leg. His Stormtroopers draw their blaster pistols as well, but when they see their General raise his hand to halt their movements, they sheath their weapons and resume standing at attention.

It takes him a moment to aim properly at his moving target, but Hux manages to get a fix on it quick enough. He doesn't want to kill the girl, merely injure and demobilise her. He knows full well that Supreme Leader Snoke expressed a keen interest in her. While Hux can’t quite grasp why, he knows it wouldn’t be wise of him to dispose of her.

The first shot hits her squarely in her left thigh.

She predictably falls to the ground. Kylo Ren halts his attacks and whips his head around to see who or what could have shot his opponent. When his eyes glance upward they fix themselves on Hux and the Stormtroopers’ forms. A scowl crosses Kylo Ren’s countenance. No doubt he had wanted to be the one to defeat the girl. Hux feels the beginnings of a grin playing at the corners of his mouth, but he suppresses the urge.

While the girl is sprawled across the ground--clutching her thigh in agony-- Hux fires his blaster pistol once more into her other thigh and the Resistance member yowls in pain.

Satisfied with himself, Hux puts away his weapon and makes his way down to the two bewildered force-sensitives.

“ I am here to collect you, Kylo Ren. Supreme Leader Snoke has commanded me to bring you to him immediately,” Hux states plainly.

He then turns his gaze down to the now livid Resistance member -- defiance written across her face. Hux scoffs, what good will her pride do her in this crippled state?

She is a rather unremarkable girl, really, Hux observed. Her plain, brown hair is pulled back in what must have once been three neat buns. Now there is many a strand of wayward hair framing her face. Her ears stick out a little bit more than they ought to, and her cheeks have a fullness that make her appear younger than she must be.

Yet, her eyes -- expressive and hazel -- are perhaps her only feature truly worth of note.

“It seems that despite our significant losses, there was some gain to be had today,” Hux declares, still watching the girl intently. She glowers at him-- her hazel eyes filled with malice.“Bringing along this Resistance member will please the Supreme Leader greatly,” he continues.

“ This Resistance member has a name,” the girl angrily interjects.

Her voice’s confident tone unnerves Hux. He regards her icily-- such audacity to interrupt her betters he thinks to himself. He is beside himself with indignance as he crouches down to her level and grasps her chin roughly, forcing her to look him directly in the eye. The girl emits a small yelp in surprise, but quickly collects herself and glares defiantly back at him.

“Pray tell, _girl_ , what is your name then?” He snarls .

“I am Rey, and I will not be intimidated by you,” she scathingly remarks.

The General's grip tightens, but the impudent girl’s intense gaze does not falter. Although she is physically lower than him, Hux feels as if she is trying to stare him down -- he who in every respect is superior.

Their silent battle of wills is cut short by an intrusive voice.

“General Hux, I didn't realize you were the Supreme Leader's errand boy,” Kylo Ren states plainly -- his face now emotionless -- yet his voice betraying the spite he feels towards Hux. “I had the situation under control,” he continues, his eyes flicking over to rest on the girl. And Hux almost thinks he sees something akin to worry cross his countenance. How pathetic. Did he really feel compassion for this vagabond like the Supreme Leader had suggested? 

Hux roughly releases his grip on Rey -- her head whipping to the side.

“Now, let's not be calling anyone names. We aren't children,” Hux retorts with a sneer, while mentally adding, _at least I know one of us isn’t_ .

And then he notices the diminished state that Kylo Ren happens to be in. He appears to have sustained several not-so-superficial wounds on his shoulder and arm. An angry, diagonal slash across his face stands out like an obscenity -- the wound is raw and fresh, and blood seeps down his angular countenance. Hux’s eyes pann over to Rey and sees that her wounds appear minor in comparison. His eyes narrow, how could this be possible? In fact, it was unfathomable. But the hardened General knows full well that this is not the time to ponder such things. They are running out of time. So instead, he signals to one of the Stormtroopers -- who steps forward and stands at attention awaiting orders.

“ Carry the girl,” he barks at him. The Stormtrooper swiftly acquiesces to his leader’s request. “We must make haste and leave this wretched planet. It becomes more unstable by the minute.”

The Stormtrooper hoists a discontented Rey up into his arms. She struggles fervently, and shouts a name-- Finn or something similar-- but isn’t successful in either freeing herself or getting a response from the one she calls out to.

And so, the group begins to make their way swiftly towards the shuttle.

Just as they reach it, the ground cracks behind them -- creating a massive gorge in the planet’s surface. They hastily board the shuttle and depart from the Starkiller Base’s surface, climbing higher and higher into its stratosphere.

Just as Hux settles himself into his seat, Kylo Ren enters the room and seats himself next to him. Hux observes to his contentment that Kylo Ren's freshly scarred face is now covered by his helmet. Good, he'd seen quite enough of the man's moody countenance to last him a lifetime. Nothing is said between the two, the General merely electing to nod in acknowledgment of his rival’s presence. The silence is deafening. However, Kylo Ren seems to have something weighing heavily on his conscience.

“What’s on your mind?” Hux questions, mildly interested in what the answer might be.

“I have killed Han Solo. My bridges are burned. There is nothing left tying me to the light. Supreme Leader Snoke won’t be able to question my loyalty ever again,” Kylo Ren blurts out, as if he’d been bursting at the seams waiting to tell somebody.

Hux’s eyes widen in genuine surprise. But before he is able to feel the gravity of Kylo Ren’s statement, the man in question stands abruptly from his seat, and Hux watches his helmeted form shuffling out of the room.

And thus, Hux is left alone with his thoughts.

He is left to ponder what Kylo Ren’s divulgence could mean -- how it will affect him and his standing in the eyes of the Supreme Leader.

Kylo Ren would certainly rise in Snoke’s esteem despite his repeated failings with the now recaptured resistance member ... Hux lets out a sigh and massages his temples. He was going to have to find yet another way to distinguish himself to the Supreme Leader. And after his recent stalemate -- the utter decimation of the Starkiller Base which he was entrusted charge of-- it wouldn’t be easy.

Just as they prepared to enter hyperspace, Hux gives his pride and joy one last poignant look as it begins to collapse in upon itself-- imploding from stored stellar energy.

He then settles himself into his comfortable seat and looks wistfully into space.

 

* * *

 

 

_What Intensity,_  
_these eyes gazing upon light._  
_The world is spinning._

 

* * *

 

The journey to their destination is long, and Hux grows restless -- his mind swimming with every worry he had been trying so hard to suppress.

The tragedy of it all was the -- very real -- impending doom that he knew he could no longer ignore. The end of his dream was nigh.

General Armitage Hux had always believed he would rule the galaxy one day. Ever since he was just a boy he has had this one, singular dream.

On long walks in the rain, he had fantasized about what he would become.

Growing up on Arkanis, he was accustomed to the rain. In fact, he loved it. It was calming to the senses, and as a boy he would spend many hours lying on his back in an open field near his home -- allowing himself to get drenched in a heavy downpour. The rain, he felt, was cathartic. It allowed him to muse upon the things that mattered most to him. He dreamt of obtaining success-- unlimited success and power.

And now he was the youngest General in the First Order. That, he believes, is something worth being lauded for.

All those long nights had paid off in the end. Not to say that getting little sleep was unnatural for him -- an insomniac, surviving on only a few hours of restless sleep a night. If anything, the drudgery he put himself through in the dead of night was welcome. It was an escape from the long hours spent unproductively otherwise.

Hux swallows a lump in his throat when he realizes how close they are now to their destination.

In mere minutes, everything Hux had worked towards could disappear.

With a groan, he stretches and re-situates himself in his seat, trying in vain to get comfortable. The anticipation is killing him. He wishes sleep was an option. He wishes for even a moment's reprieve from the torture of this anxiety.

He tries to distract himself by gazing into space and attempting to identify any star systems or constellations he might be familiar with. But instead, after a few moments, he cannot help but notice his reflection in the glass window staring glumly back at him.

He immediately drops his gaze to his hands. He doesn’t want to see _that_ \-- doesn't want to be reminded of how he must look.

The lack of sleep is taxing on his body. He knows that if he were to gaze in a mirror his skin would have a waxen pallor and his eyes -- frequently bloodshot -- would have dark circles adorning them. His copper hair, however, would narrowly avoid appearing lifeless because he made a point to slick it back into place every morning.

If someone were to look closely enough he would appear weak. And he despises that.

He despises that because when he was in control of Starkiller Base he had felt invincible. But his state of invincibility was cut short. And it was all due to the meddling of a singular traitor and a vagabond girl.

Wonderful.

He has to do something about this mess -- and quick.

“General Hux,” a Stormtrooper calling for his attention enters the room and salutes him. “We have arrived.”

And indeed they have. Deep within the Unknown Regions of the galaxy, located on one of two moons orbiting a gas giant is the First Order’s base of operations.The base’s structure is reminiscent of the towering edifices on Coruscant. Bathed in a cold light, it looms ominously over the smaller buildings on the lunar surface. After the shuttle docks itself in the hangar bay, several Stormtroopers file out, followed by Hux and Kylo Ren. The prisoner is brought out last -- dragged by a Stormtrooper on either side of her. Her hands are tightly bound behind her back, her wounded legs had been crudely bandaged and her mouth is gagged. Despite being supported by the Stormtroopers, each hobble she manages on unsteady feet seems to cause her immense pain.

Hux turns to Kylo Ren, who while still donning his helmet, manages to appear as emotionally volatile as always.

“ We must report to the Supreme Leader at once. He will surely want to hear what you had earlier disclosed to me.” He then gives the girl a sideways glance, his bottom lip curling in disgust and adds, “ I suppose he will also be pleased that we have yet again sequestered her.” Hux still finds it difficult to comprehend why the Supreme Leader and Kylo Ren found her so valuable.

They all make their way through a labyrinth of hallways bustling with activity. There, Stormtroopers and First Order officers of all ranks are going about their business, creating an atmosphere of organized chaos.

The Stormtroopers push the girl along closely behind Hux and Kylo Ren. Hux notices that her eyes keep darting about the place. Is she trying, perhaps, to memorize where they had come from? He smirks to himself at the absurdity of the idea. She would be sorely disappointed then. It would be next to impossible for any outsider to navigate the place properly.

Yes, it would do the resistance scum a world of good to discard any notions she may have about attempting an escape. And Hux knows exactly what misfortunes would befall her if she tried...

Upon reaching the center of the building, the group finds themselves in front of an imposing, black, arched door. Kylo Ren opens it, allowing everyone else to follow him inside.

It feels like it has been a very long time since Hux had actually seen Supreme Leader Snoke in person. When in fact, it had most likely been less than a year. Snoke sits in the same chair that he does over the holoprojector at the end of a grand, dimly lit room.

“ At last, you have all arrived ,” Snoke observes in his low growl. His eyes then fall on Rey.

Instead of seeing the same sort of defiance across her face as before, Hux notices that she now wears a blank expression. Yet, her eyes betray her, she is afraid-- or intimidated at least. But before he can enjoy her discomfort, Snoke speaks again.

“And so we finally meet, girl. You have been the cause of many of my current woes, for this you have earned a certain... distinguished reputation.” The Supreme Leader’s voice echoes imposingly. Then he turns to one of the Stormtroopers propping Rey up. “ Ungag her, I would like to hear the girl speak,” he commands.

Once the gag is removed, Rey wastes no time in voicing her opinions on her current predicament.

“ If any of you here think I will be revealing anything about the Resistance, you’d be better off just killing me now,” she proclaims-- feigning confidence. “Questioning me will be a waste of your precious time. Time that could be spent harassing Republic cities... or making a mess of your carefully laid out plans.” A weak smirk crosses her face, and Hux finds himself irritated by her futile defiance. Does this girl have no sense of self preservation?

“Such spirit,” Snoke observes in an even, foreboding tone. “Such a waste. How unfortunate that her allegiances lie with the Resistance.”

“Supreme leader,” Kylo Ren begins. “ Perhaps it would be prudent to consider certain options... She’s intelligent, and I’m certain that with the right guidance she could learn to accept the truth in your teachings.”

Rey scoffs, while Snoke’s visage morphs into a scowl.

“No. I have every reason to believe that she is a liability. The girl will have other uses.” Snoke then turns to Rey and gives her a calculating gaze. “ No mind is impenetrable. And certainly not one that has been weakened by ... trying circumstances...”

“-Supreme Leader,” Kylo Ren interjects -- recapturing Snoke’s attention. “ There is something pressing that I must inform you of.”

“Speak, Kylo Ren,” Snoke allows -- his tone irritated.

“I have defeated Han Solo. He is no more.”

As the declaration sinks in, Snoke appears both pensive and pleased. “ Very well done, I had my doubts about you, but you have proven yourself. I do not regret deciding that it is time for you to complete your training.”

“ Thank you, Supreme leader, “ Kylo Ren says with a low bow of his head.

“But now, back to the matter of the girl.” With Snoke’s pronouncement, all eyes are trained upon the vagabond . “ Someone must take charge of the her, interrogate her and make sure she does not get herself into trouble as was the case previously.” The Supreme Leader’s eyes narrow and drift back over to Kylo Ren.

Abruptly, a heavy silence falls upon all present in the echoey room.

“General!”

Hux looks to the Supreme Leader--startled, dreading whatever he has to say.

“I will place this task upon you,” Snoke edicts.

“Supreme Leader if I may--”

“--No! You _may not_ , General!”

“ But Supreme Leader, this task is below my station,” Hux argues-- exasperated and feeling the tell-tale throbbing of a headache coming on . “I have far too many matters to attend to, and now that the Starkiller Base has been destroyed--”

“ --Precisely, General. Under your command the Starkiller Base was destroyed. You have failed me. You have no say in this matter, and will take this burden upon yourself,” Snoke orders sharply-- gesticulating at Rey. “Once you have proven to me that you are capable of executing a duty properly, I will consider assigning you to something more befitting of your station”

Snoke is right, Hux accepts. And he knows he can’t put forth any convincing argument to plead his case. Hux is a disappointment, and he needs to redeem himself in this manner -- no matter how shameful it may be. He now turns his attention to the girl, the prisoner who is now his burden to bear, and notices that she too is peering at him with the same sort of attentiveness. Their eyes meet for a split second and he finds himself wondering yet again--for what feels like the millionth time--what exactly is so special about this young girl?

And thus, he makes up his mind. He will find out.

 

* * *

_In this empty glass_  
_Behold, to have and to hold_  
_Fearful paradigm_

 

* * *

 


	2. Throw it Away Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Here's a new chapter for you all! Things get pretty dark here ( leaving a warning here for torture and violence) and then they get weird and surrealist ( I guess? ) So I hope you all like it!
> 
> Enjoy!

 

  


* * *

_Shocking, really quite._

_A secret bathed in starlight._

_Throw it away now._

* * *

 

  


It had never occurred to General Hux that he would _ever_ dread a special assignment given to him by Snoke. Hux practically _lived_ for the distinction of being given important tasks. However, this one appeared to be the exception ... and what an unnerving exception.

 

It is well past the hour he would normally retire to his chambers, where he would read some paperwork to lull himself into a fitful slumber. His eyes are dry and bloodshot as he holds the stubborn, unwavering gaze of the infuriating, lowly scavenger before him.

 

“It appears we've arrived at an impasse. I hope your simple mind is capable of grasping why this is ... undesirable,” Hux drones

 

In response to Hux’s pedantic voice, rephrasing --yet again -- that which he had been telling her repeatedly for the past four hours, the girl grits her teeth. “ You’ll never get anything out of me. You can’t even wield the force, how would _you_ succeed when someone who can wield it failed.” They had already went over this point, however, she seemed to feel the need to remind him of this “fact” of her’s periodically. And each time she did, the more self assured she seemed to become. This stubborn attitude puzzled Hux to no end.

 

Hux sighs and shakes his head. Yes, it is common knowledge that he has no affinity with the force, but, seeing as he has often been in close proximity to Kylo Ren, Hux has developed the ability to effectively shield his mind. Furthermore, he is far more in control of his emotions than Kylo Ren is of his. The discipline Hux has over his emotions allows him to keep up his mental barriers with great ease.

 

He allows himself a smirk as he remembers the look of surprise across the vagabond's face when she had attempted to invade his mind -- only to find an invisible wall blocking her. Since then she’s been throwing herself over and over again at this wall of his to no avail. Her inexperience with the force is very clearly evident in her technique -- if exerting all of her force over and over in the same way could be considered a “technique”.

 

Sure, she has managed to tire him to an extent, but he can also tell that beneath her veneer of toughness she is also beginning to break. Her forehead glistens with a sheen of sweat and her clenched fists tremble, yet,her eyes glint with determination and a hint of madness.

 

Yes, she infuriates Hux to no end.

 

Hux looks the girl squarely in the eyes and gives her a patronizing smile. He knows he will break her -- he has to.  It is only a matter of time.

 

“Now, _Girl,_ you will be telling me what I want sooner or later. You have no say in _that_ matter,”  Before she can correct him on how to address her, Hux spins around and motions to a pair of his Stormtroopers guarding the interrogation room door.  “However, you do have a say in how much you will suffer until you do.”

 

While he had spent most of his time in the Starkiller Base in the control room -- dealing with various leadership affairs -- he is no stranger to the various methods of torture he has readily at his disposal. Most of which are simple and very effective.

 

“My Stormtroopers and I have several things in store for you...yet, I’m not certain that you'll find any of them particularly enjoyable.”

 

The girl’s eyes widen in fear at the impending prospect of torture. _Yes, that’s more like it,_ Hux thinks to himself-- pleased. Now things could  finally start to go somewhere. One of the Stormtroopers sets down a briefcase on the table next to where Hux is seated.  

 

“Leave us now,” Hux orders, and the pair of Stormtroopers salute before exiting the room -- the door sliding shut with a mechanic _swoosh --_ and then everything goes dead silent.

 

Hux feels the girl watching him as he opens the briefcase to inspect its contents. He pays her no mind as he approvingly appraises the instruments before him.  

 

“I'll give you one last chance,” He deadpans as he holds up a mallet to inspect it -- making certain the girl can see it as well. “ Tell me where the resistance and Skywalker are hiding.” He turns his gaze from the mallet to the girl and is unsurprised by the obstinance he finds staring back. He doesn't mind that, he was hoping he'd get to teach her a lesson.

 

Hux stands up and crosses the few feet it takes to stand right next to her. She is tightly bound to the interrogation chair, and he notices her breath hitch at his approach. Despite all of her efforts to appear otherwise, Hux knows she is afraid. He knows that over the past hours he has demonstrated sufficiently to her that _he_ is the one with _all_ the power here. His gaze drops to her bare legs and freshly dressed bullet wounds. Her pant legs had been ripped crudely mid-thigh to allow space for them to be bandaged properly. That would be a good place to start.

 

Without warning, Hux raises the mallet and hits her hard on her left thigh’s wound. The girl shrieks in pain, and Hux remains unaffected as he steps back to let his lesson sink in.

 

“Tell me where the resistance and Skywalker are hiding, “ he restates just as calmly as the first time -- a smile spreading across his lips. “For your sake, I hope you answer. Because I dare say that I have far sharper instruments at my disposal.”  

 

The girl’s expression of acute pain morphs into one of searing anger, and just as abruptly as Hux had hit her, the girl spits in his face. Hux jolts backwards away from his prisoner -- frantically wiping the spit from his face, wholly disgusted. As soon as he has thoroughly wiped it all off he is assaulted with rage. How _dare_ she.

 

“Wrong answer,” he growls before springing forward to hit her other bullet wound with the mallet -- eliciting another pain-filled yowl from the girl.

 

Hux takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. He needs to relax. This impudent girl _will not_ get him to lose his temper any further. He takes a few more deep breaths as he walks back towards the briefcase. He supposes he can take things up a notch. That decided, he reaches for a scalpel, and a smile returns to his lips. The girl is hanging her head now, perhaps trying to hide her expression? He can hear her shaky breaths as he approaches her once more. Hux roughly grabs her by the chin and forces her to look at him.

 

“You _will_ watch me, “ he orders. “ And if you don’t I _will_ make it hurt worse.”

 

He notes with satisfaction that her eyes are watery, and when he lets go of her chin she keeps her eyes trained on him. Good, at last, _some level_ of obedience. Hux holds the scalpel poised over the bullet wound on her left thigh -- its’ fresh bandages now soaked through with blood.

 

“Tell me where the resistance and Skywalker are hiding,” he asks evenly for the third time.

 

The girl’s bottom lip quivers, but she _still_ manages to hold his gaze defiantly and doesn’t utter a word.

 

Hux lets out an exaggerated sigh before shrugging his shoulders and lowering the blade to the reopened wound.   

 

“Stop.”

 

He can tell that the girl had meant to put more force than she had into the word, but it comes out as more of a sob than anything. Hux smirks and doesn’t stop. He feels an odd tingling sensation all over his body -- as if a draft had been let in the room -- but he shrugs it off as nervous anticipation.    

 

“I beg your pardon?” He asks, as if he hadn’t quite heard her or didn’t quite understand what she wants.  

 

“I said, STOP!”

 

Suddenly, the tingling sensation is back -- only far stronger this time -- and before he knows it, he is careening through the air across the room, and slamming into the wall adjacent to the door. Woozy, Hux tries to get back to his feet but he falls back down and sees stars. The room around him spins, and he can register the look of surprise across the girl’s face before he dives into darkness.   

 

And then,

 

light.

 

Such bright light.

 

And colors.

 

Coming straight for him.

 

And these colors form... images?

 

Faster and faster and faster they flashed before him, becoming clearer by the second. He wants it all to stop -- to dive back into the peaceful darkness.  

 

But the images have another plan as they become clear as day -- as clear as a holovid displaying scenes playing over and over.

 

The images bleed through -- like water spread across a freshly painted canvas. Hux stands, bathed in their brightness -- their purity. But then there is no light, only sounds can be seen. And the sound is a voice of many screams. A scream sound. Over again and over and over.

 

The small girl-- torn away.

 

Torn like a sheet of blank paper -- in two -- the duality of a broken life.

 

_Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back!_

 

Over and over the scream sounds scream.

 

And Hux has no hands to cover his ears. No hands, no eyes, no body and no ears. Nothing remains in the torn page of a rey of obstructed light.

 

And now he sees with eyes that can’t speak.

 

No more are there many -- the girl is alone -- there are only two of her where once was one. Was that no-scream-life just a dream?

 

The closer he sees, the more the rey of an obstructed girl disappears.  

 

Push and pull -- fight. She must fight to fill the time and empty the mind.

 

And wait.

 

Time flip flops and extends itself like taffy. Time was sweet, but lost its will to continue. And the image ends abruptly -- a quick death. Like with the accused man, the floor is falling from beneath him and Hux is now hanging -- neck broken -- by a noose of scream sounds.

 

* * *

_Cutting, ripping, pain._

_Just a thorough comeuppance_

_to feel all again._

* * *

 

  


Hux wakes with a shout. It takes him a few moments to realize that he is back in his quarters, lying down in his luxurious king-sized bed. He sits up, lets out a long sigh of relief, and rubs his eyes only to find himself touching something... _wet?_ It takes him a few moments to register that he is crying. And he doesn’t even have it in him to stop himself.  

 

What the _kriff_ happened!? Was it all...a dream?  

 

A knock on his door gives him the motivation necessary to regain some measure of control over his emotions -- the tears stop flowing at least. Hux opens the door to find a nervous-looking Mitaka standing there.

 

“General,” he greets with a nod of his head. “I came to inquire after ... your health.” His tone is measured-- careful.   

 

Hux furrows his brow, “ my health?” He queried -- his normally smooth voice rough from sleep. “Am I sick?” That might be a decent explanation for the bizarre dreams.

 

Mitaka wrings his hands. “ No Sir -- erm-- you hit your head rather hard. I believe the consensus among the Stormtroopers that came to your aid was that the girl used the force against you.

 

So it wasn’t all a dream.

 

A lump forms in Hux’s throat and he tries to swallow it down before speaking. “ Is that so?” That is all he can manage. He doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know what to think. But he knows that if he had merely been thrown back by the girl’s use of the force...what explained the odd visions(?) he had experienced immediately after. They had felt...foreign. As if they weren’t his own -- or originating from his mind at all. But they felt so real all the same, almost like they had happened to him, almost as if they were memories. The idea sends chills up his spine --not all that unlike from the shivers he had felt before the girl had unleashed the force against him. And that is all the more disturbing.  

 

“Uh, Sir? Do you need to see a medic?”  

 

_Do I?_ Hux wondered to himself. He was starting to question his sanity, and he wasn’t entirely certain if there was anyone on the entire moon with experience in dealing with the mentally ill. If that was indeed what he was... And even _if_ there was, he would be too ashamed to admit it to anyone.

 

So, as confidently as possible, he replies to Mitaka with a “I’m quite alright, thank you,” before dismissing him. Disoriented, Hux walks back towards his bed and ponders what he could possibly do next.

 

He realizes that he is rife with exhaustion -- both mental and physical, and he supposes that the best course of action would be to sleep on it. So, with his mind set, he removes the full uniform he is still wearing until he is in nothing but his regulation boxers, folds them,  and places each piece back in their rightful place -- neatly into his closet. To his surprise, it doesn’t take long before he succumbs to a deep slumber.

 

* * *

_It doesn’t end here._

_Nor there --  nor any place again._

_Over, it will turn._

* * *

 

  


_Mum?_

 

_Yes dear?_

 

_The little girl is staring at the ground, she is ashamed._ **Why?**

 

_I want to go out and play.... Can I, please?_

 

_The mother bites her lip and casts her eyes to the ground._

 

_There’s no time, dear... We’ll be leaving the planet soon._

 

_The little girl hangs her head lower -- if that’s even possible._

 

_The mother turns away._

 

_A man_ \-- **a monster, something tells him** \-- _slams open the spacecraft’s rickedy door._

 

_Out of my way!_

 

_The monster grabs the little girl by one of her three buns and flings her against one of the spacecraft’s walls._

 

_Stop!_

 

_It is not the mother that protests, no matter how much the little girl wished it was._

 

**He feels her tears. He wants to make the monster stop. He can’t stand tears.**

 

_Stop, she says? Stop?! How about_ she _stops getting the fuck in my way?! Always in my fucking way! Go make yourself useful! Go check the damn engine! It had better be running perfectly by the time we take off._

 

_The little girl’s forehead is bleeding. She walks on unsteady feet to the engine. She knows she must do as she’s told._

 

_She_ **He** _hates the monster._

 

* * *

_It is all clear when_

_in your depths you discover_

_the pain is so near._

* * *

 


	3. A Sea to Drown in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!  
> Don't have much to preface this chapter with, I'm pretty sure it'll all speak for itself. I hope you all enjoy it!

* * *

 

_Water leaking from_

_your innards to the floor makes_

_a sea to drown in._

* * *

 

  
  
  


Hux wakes up crying again.

 

The sheer _wrongness_ of the salty droplets streaming down his face is so wholly upsetting, he finds it hard to stop. So it becomes a vicious cycle.

 

But he remembers it all. The dream of the little girl, the mother and the monster. He never dreams, at least, never like _that._ It felt as real as those bizarre visions he experienced after being knocked out by the girl.

 

The girl with _three buns_

 

The _little girl_ with three buns.

 

Oh.

 

 _What did she do?_ Hux wonders, equal measures shocked and frightened. How could she have done this? And how can he make it stop? He needs to make it stop right now.  

 

This madness, these feelings, these tears -- they are _hers._ He wants her to take them back right now. But what if seeing her makes it worse? Above all else he is a man that values self-preservation. So he stays away from her that day, and busies himself with all the various tasks he has neglected while interrogating her. He feels productive, and for a while he is able to forget about it all until night falls again.  

 

Yet again, that night when he manages to finally fall asleep, the dreams of the little girl continue.

 

 _The little girl lies on her back in her bed in her closet-like room, staring at the spacecraft’s ceiling. She dreams of being safe._ **He remembers what it’s like to dream about that.**

 

 _The little girl hums a tune_ **It's awfully familiar, but he can’t quite place it.** _and traces imaginary constellations in the ceiling’s cracks._ **He’s rather fond of constellations himself.**

 

_The sound of glass shattering in the kitchen causes the little girl to cease with her humming. She curls into fetal position and squeezes her eyes shut._

 

 _The monster screams and the mother apologizes._ **His mother worked in a kitchen.**

 

 _The little girl_ **He** _waits for it all to be over._

 

 _The little girl_ **He** _doesn’t want to feel afraid anymore._

 

When Hux wakes up, he knows he’s not the little girl. He is Armitage Hux, the First Order’s youngest and best General. But this time -- this dream -- it was harder yet to distinguish himself from her. And that fact alone scares him more than experiencing the last dream does. As he wipes away the inevitable tears that accompanied the dream -- the nightmare -- he makes a decision. He has to go and speak with her. Because staying away from her doesn’t seem to be making it better, if anything, it seems to be getting worse.

 

He strides purposefully towards her cell, and does his best to hide his anxiety behind a veneer of anger. He hates the nagging thought at the back of his mind that tells him to go easy on her, that she may not have had any control over the matter. He pushes the rebellious thought back, back, back, until it is thoroughly quelled. He doesn’t understand where it came from, perhaps from her?

 

She lies on her side on the cold,metal floor still wearing the tattered pants and the robes they had captured her in. He notices that someone has redressed her bandages. He feels a pang of something he does not quite recognize when seeing her wounds -- this too he quickly brushes aside.

 

When he finally enters the cell, the girl immediately pushes herself up to a seated position -- struggling to do so on account of her wounds -- and says nothing. Yet she levels him with the same defiant stare as she has before. Hux slowly paces several times back and forth across the width of the tiny room. He feels her eyes on him the whole time he does -- watching, waiting. Her gaze feels almost predatory, and this realization heightens his discomfort.

 

“What did you do?” He finally questions venomously -- glaring daggers at the girl.

 

“You’re going to have to be a little bit more specific than that.” She replies plainly, her voice unwavering, and far too confident for the position she’s currently in.

 

“I’m quite certain you know _exactly_ what I am referring to, _girl.”_ Hux insists, his patience wearing thin, but he is somehow unable to inject the same amount of venom in his voice. For some reason, he’s worried about frightening her. But this time, instead following the urge of forcing this inappropriate sentiment down, he tries another approach.  

 

“Every night I dream of...” Be begins -- uncertain. What exactly is it that he dreams of? He still isn’t quite sure, and the most likely theory is also the most repellant. But he supposes if he’s ever going to figure out how to stop it, he’s going to have to tell her.

 

“You.” He finishes. And he doesn’t quite understand why this declaration brings him such discomfort.   

 

The girl stares at him -- wordlessly and incredulously -- before she says “ Then you are a far bigger pervert than I had thought.” She chuckles, a hint of hysteria tinging the otherwise melodious sound.  

 

Hux groans, “ no, not like _that.”_  Her implications are making him thoroughly uncomfortable.

 

“ I keep dreaming about ...you as a child, suffering. And I can't bear it, I _feel_ horrible every waking hour of the day. I feel everything you do in those dreams, and these feelings affect my actions when I'm not sleeping.” The confession pours out of him like river rapids -- unrelenting until every last word has burst out.

 

“So I ask again, what did you do to _me?_ How did you use the force to make me... feel as you do?” He mumbles the last bit because he's ashamed of it, but it must be said. He _needs_ to fix it. _And she will tell him or else she will suffer,_ he thinks, but he is not entirely sure he believes he is capable of hurting her anymore. And he _hates_ that.

 

The incredulous expression on the girl's face only deepened with every word Hux spoke. And now she appears both confused and contemplative. “So let me get this straight,” she begins slowly, as if talking to an imbecile.

 

Hux's fists clench at that, but when he sees her flinch, he hastily unclenches them. He does not understand why.

 

“You're telling me,” she continues, just as slowly, “ that somehow when I unintentionally used the force in self-defense, I managed to also make you have dreams about me suffering as a child -- and to top it all off, you've grown a conscience...”

 

She’s looking at Hux as if he’s insane now, and he's starting to believe he probably is.

 

“Doesn't the force work in mysterious ways?” He asks dumbly, feeling his control over the situation slipping -- not entirely certain if he even had any to begin with.

 

The girl lets out a short burst of incredulous laughter. “ Perhaps, but generally, _General_ , there is some level of conscious intent on behalf of the force-sensitive party. I don’t remember ever  wanting to transfer my childhood memories to you. And I _certainly_ never intended to make you grow a conscience. It seems you did that all by yourself.”

 

Her words hit Hux like a ton of bricks. He can't remember ever feeling as foolish as he does now. Before he can start to even argue with her, the girl begins to shift her weight around in an attempt to get to her feet -- slowly, and quite clearly painfully. Hux flinches and resists the urge to help her up.

 

The girl staggers to her feet and takes a moment to steady herself before she moves to stand mere inches away from him. Her stance gives Hux no choice but to look her straight in the eyes -- eyes that are filled with nothing but boundless wrath.

 

“Look, I get it.” She seethes. “ You've come here to indulge yourself, and I've only played along and responded because, quite frankly, I'm quite bored. And even _if_ you aren't making all of this up I really don't care.”

 

Hux opens his mouth to retort but no sounds come out.

 

“You know what? Actually, I hope you _are_ telling the truth.” Her voice is getting louder now with every hate-filled word she spews. “ I hope you feel miserable for what you’ve done! I hope the guilt _eats you alive_!”

 

“I -,” Hux starts, trying, but still at a complete loss for words as the girl steam rolls on.

 

“ I am a human being!”

 

“ What I'm trying to-”

 

“-I. Am. A. Human. _Being!_ Do you understand what that means?! You _can't_ just treat a human being like you treated me! You can't blow up planets killing millions at your whim! And I'm suddenly supposed to feel, what, _sorry for you_ for experiencing human emotions?”

 

A look of sheer disgust crosses her countenance. “ You really are nothing but a monster.”

 

The label is like a slap across his face, and it’s not as if he hasn’t handled one before -- both an unsavory label and a slap across the face. No, what hurts about her assertion is that she's grouping him in with the likes of _that man._

 

Indignant at the insult and beginning to shake, Hux tries to keep his voice steady. “ Listen girl, I don’t know what you’re trying to say but you don’t seem to understand-”

 

“- _My name_ is Rey.”  She shakes her head -- eyes wide in an almost mocking way. “ Can’t you see how calling me _girl_ just proves my point?”  

 

Hux is finding it hard to look the girl in the eye, in fact, he suddenly feels like the cell’s temperature has practically doubled. He can faintly register her saying something in a sarcastic tone when he decides he needs to leave -- _now._

 

He swiftly exits the room without a single glance backwards.

 

 

 

* * *

_Pins and needles it_

_creeps, clawing at the back of_

_your throat. Far too much._

* * *

 

  


Hux knows he needs to come up with a better plan. He doesn’t know what he expected to come out of confronting the girl -- he doesn’t understand why he felt _so much_ around her. Too much. It terrifies him. Perhaps a more hands-off approach is in order?  He supposes that it only makes sense for her to be so uncooperative as a result of her circumstances. And since he seems to be having such a hard time allowing himself to harm her... Perhaps he ought to try showing Rey a measure of kindness -- an incentive to make her more pliable? Indeed he has done similar things in the past, albeit, with less trifling prisoners.

 

The very next day, he sends in a med droid to properly tend to the girl’s bullet wounds. Superficial as they were, if left improperly treated he knew they could cause permanent damage. Over the following week, he makes arrangements for pieces of simple furniture to be placed in her cell --  a chair, a cot with a pillow and a few blankets. He also sends in new, clean clothing. He makes certain that she is being fed sufficiently, and has the guard who slides food through a slot at the bottom of her door add extra helpings.

 

All the while, the dreams continue. Hux delays sleep as much as possible, which shouldn’t be as much of a problem for him as it is, but even an insomniac needs the odd hour or two of sleep which he always succumbs to. He drinks cup after cup of strong caf until his pulse is so high he can practically _see_ it -- but it never works. Instead, he learns a lot about Rey, and not only about the worst moments of her childhood, but some of the best as well.

 

He experiences her anger when she can’t quite manage to fix something on her home spacecraft, or when exploring some planet’s market, she gets her favorite ragdoll stolen. He experiences her fear whenever the monster appears -- shouting, throwing his weight around like god, and frequently drunk. He experiences her joy on the rare occasion when the mother bakes her her favorite pastries, or when she salvages a particularly interesting piece of scrap metal.  Most often, he experiences her sadness. Sadness resulting from her isolation -- even when the mother is around. Sadness when she is told she can’t keep whatever furry animal she’s found on the planet they’re visiting. But to put it most plainly, he experiences her.

 

And Hux hopes -- desperately so -- that she is wrong and he isn’t crazy , because he feels he has come to know the little girl so well, almost as if she is a friend. And he knows that thinking of any version of Rey as anything but an enemy is inappropriate, but he can’t recall ever knowing so much about anyone ever before. _At least let me have this,_ he hopes. _At least let me have her -- if only in my mind._ Because he is lonely too, just like she was, and now he realizes he always has been. And even if the girl in the cell is not the same as the one in his head anymore, he hopes he can keep her when his emotions go back to normal. And he _knows_ that they _must_ go back to normal. Ever since the girl used the force against him, he hasn’t been anywhere near as productive as he’s wanted to be. Hux’s work ethic has suffered miserably. Feelings aren’t conducive to efficiency, he’s found.   

 

He hopes against hope that the girl will cooperate and manage to undo the feelings she's forced on him. And he wonders, if she does manage it, will he still care for the little girl? He supposes that answer will come to him when it happens. And if he doesn’t care then none of this would have mattered, and all he’ll have is his shame and embarrassment to show for it.

 

At the end of that week, Hux decides it is time for him to face her once again. He orders a rather substantial meal of fruit, bread and a hearty stew to be sent to her, then, he makes his way through the base’s winding corridors to her cell.

 

This time, Hux finds Rey lying on her back in the cot, he would have thought she was sleeping if he hadn’t also noticed that her eyes are open. He idly wonders if she is tracing imaginary constellations in the cracks of the ceiling above her. Hux opens the door and walks in. If the girl notices, she pays Hux no attention -- keeping her gaze glued to the ceiling.

 

He notices the tray with the meal he ordered her on the floor next to the cot. It remains untouched. Hux frowns.

 

“I know what you’re trying to do. It won’t work.”  She doesn't turn to look at him as she speaks.

 

“What do you think you know?” Hux asks, but he’s quite certain he already knows the answer.

 

“All this bribery,” she states, making a sweeping motion with her left arm. “It won’t get you what you want. You’re better off torturing me again.”

 

Hux flinches at her suggestion, he’s quite certain that he _can’t_ torture her -- even if he wanted to.

 

So instead, Hux decides to change the subject in hopes of getting things back on track. He folds his arms behind his back and straightens his posture. “ You’re right, I won’t insult your intelligence by pretending that I’ve improved your living conditions without an agenda. You know that there is information I seek, and as I’ve said before, you will tell me what I want to know one way or another. We can choose to work together -- perhaps come to... a mutual agreement . However, if I need to return to less desirable methods of extracting the truth, I will.” He hopes that he put enough force in his voice --  that his bluff about potential torture is convincing.

 

Finally, Rey turns to face him-- her countenance blank. “Somehow I don’t think you will.” She says calmly. “How’s having a conscience working out for you, General?”

 

Hux frowns and lets out an irritated huff. “ Are you incapable of grasping a single word I tell you? These feelings are _yours. You_ pushed them onto me with the force -- intentionally or not --  and I want it fixed! At once!”

 

“What exactly do you expect me to do? Wiggle my fingers, say the magic words, and then -- poof! Everything’s fixed?” Hux thinks she looks rather silly the way she waves her arms about to punctuate her statements, and almost tells her so, but before he gets the opportunity to, she continues. “How can I help you if I don’t even know what I did -- don’t even believe I did anything to begin with?!”

 

Hux grits his teeth and clenches his hands into fists.

 

“Maybe you’ve learnt to live with your memories, but I _have not._ How do you think I'm supposed to be able to deal with reliving the worst of them night after night?” Hux feels himself begin to shake, but he isn't quite done with his tirade.  “ Do you think I want to experience what it’s like to be a little girl that gets beaten by her drunk, _monster_ of a father while her mother does nothing but idly watch?!”

 

And of all emotions Hux expects Rey to display, he does not expect confusion. Because Rey is quite clearly confused -- her eyes are narrowed and her mouth forms a grimace. She shakes her head.

 

“What are you talking about? I don't remember anything about my parents.”

 

 

 

* * *

_Fade away, and then_

_return with unbidden fear._

_To drop the blindfold_

* * *

 

  
  
  
  
  
  



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